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نور السلام الخميس فبراير 11, 2010 4:51 pm100 Deposit The well-dressed
, gray-haired woman was
crying her eyes out. She had just been fined $100 by the
judge because a month ago her dog made a mess on the
front lawn of the courthouse.
“I just got out of the cab and I leashed Poopsie to the
light pole. After I paid the fare and gave the driver a
dollar tip, I turned around and saw that Poopsie had made a mess. I didn’t have any plastic bags, so I said,
‘Well, Poopsie, let’s go home. There’s nothing I can do
about this now.’
“We were just starting home when I heard this voice out
of nowhere: ‘Excuse me, ma’am. Is that your dog?’ I
turned around. It was an officer of the law. Well, of
course, it was my dog. ‘That dog just made an illegal
deposit on the courthouse lawn. As its owner, it’s your
responsibility to dispose of that deposit. See the sign
over there? I’m going to have to write you a citation.’
“I asked him what sign he was talking about. He pointed
all the way down to the end of the block. One little
sign, a block away! How could anyone see that? I
couldn’t see that sign with my best opera glasses. The
officer said that I could fight the ticket. He said the
judge was a nice old man who owned four dogs. So I said,
‘OK, thank you, I’ll fight the ticket.’
“So when I went to court, I dressed Poopsie up in his
prettiest ribbons and made extra sure he did his
business first. We were both so excited. I just knew the
judge and Poopsie would hit it off.
“But do you know what happened when we got inside? They
had a different judge, a judge who is allergic to dogs,
and he immediately started sniffling, coughing,
sneezing, and looking around. And then he yelled at me
to get the dog out of the courtroom. He fined me $100 on
the way out without even giving me a chance to talk
about Poopsie’s chronic dyspepsia. It was terrible! I’m
still upset.”
48 Homes Burn Down near Malibu (2)
Bill told Jimi to look up at the ridge, near the park.
Bill thought he saw flames. Jimi went outside with his
binoculars. He could see a suspicious glow. Using the
binoculars, he could see flames. “God damn it!” he yelled.
He called Bill back. Then he and Bill started calling
one neighbor after another, as they had established a
fire warning and evacuation plan years ago. The whole
community of 98 homeowners managed to get into their
cars with their families and pets and just a few of
their material possessions. They all survived the raging fire.
Unfortunately, 48 homes were destroyed and 27 were
damaged. The fire engines were just not close enough to
the community to get there before the Santa Ana winds,
gusting up to 60 mph, ripped through the canyon. The
next day, firefighters declared that the fire was a
result of “human activity,” although they hadn’t
determined if the fire was deliberate or accidental.
Homeowners were allowed to return to their home sites to
assess damages. Most homeowners were philosophical about
their losses. “We’ve got our families and our friends.
That’s far more important than our homes and other possessions,” said Eve Grant.
But Jimi Hendrix was less even-tempered. “Common sense
would tell anybody that you don’t set fires in a wooded
area when the wind is blowing like crazy. Any idiot
would know that. As far as I'm concerned, these bastards
ought to be burned at the stake. And I’d grab me a front-row seat.”
A Bad MRI Experience
“Boy, we just wasted a whole morning,” Roy complained
over the phone to his middle-aged son. Roy’s wife had
been scheduled for a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI)
exam, because her shoulder had been bothering her for
months. It had gotten to the point where her golf game
was suffering—she couldn’t break 120 anymore. Her
drives, although still down the middle of the fairway,
barely went 90 yards. Without the game of golf and the
company of her golfing companions, Pat was a depressed woman.
Her doctor had recommended the MRI exam. For a shoulder
exam, the patient lies face up on a flat **--**l “bed.”
The bed slides into the MRI machine, like a DVD sliding
into a DVD player. The patient’s nose is barely two
inches from the **--**l ceiling. Many patients who are
even slightly claustrophobic become nervous or even
hysterical when they are slid into this compartment. The
MRI operator has to slide them back out where they can
“breathe” again. This happens regularly, even though
patients are warned about the tomblike environment.
Pat’s doctor had given her a sedative to take half an
hour before the exam. He had also told her to wear a
sleep mask, which would cover her eyes so that she
wouldn’t see the ceiling just inches from her face. Pat
took the sedative and wore the mask. But as soon as she
was slid all the way into the machine, she started
screaming. The technician pushed the button to slide her
back out. She was hyperventilating.
“Oh, my God! I could feel it! It was like I was being
buried alive!” she exclaimed to her husband. “You’re
such a baby,” Roy told her as they walked out of the MRI room.
A Dream from Beyond (1)
I was sound asleep. My grandfather appeared in a dream.
He asked why I had never visited him and grandma at the
cemetery. He said that even my mom hadn’t visited since
October 4 (grandma’s birthday). He told me that, when I
was young, I had walked out into a pond and slipped
under water. He had rescued me. He said grandma was
supposed to be watching me, but that she had gotten sick
all of a sudden and was throwing up. It was probably the
fresh blackberries they had picked and eaten earlier.
Grandma had a bad stomach.
My parents were out on a boat in the pond. They did not
know that grandpa had saved me until they got back to
shore. I was in a towel and my clothes were drying on
bushes. My brown and white Buster Brown shoes were also
soaked. I was only three years old, grandpa said. My
parents were angry at first, but when they saw that
Grandpa told me that we had a picnic after that. The
four of us ate some chicken, potato salad, and homemade
cookies. We drank lemonade. Then grandpa took me for a
walk in the woods (I sat on his shoulders). I saw some daisies, and we picked them. When we returned, I
presented three daisies to mom and three to grandma, who
was finally feeling better. Grandpa said to bring some daisies to the gravesite. Then I woke up.]
, gray-haired woman was
crying her eyes out. She had just been fined $100 by the
judge because a month ago her dog made a mess on the
front lawn of the courthouse.
“I just got out of the cab and I leashed Poopsie to the
light pole. After I paid the fare and gave the driver a
dollar tip, I turned around and saw that Poopsie had made a mess. I didn’t have any plastic bags, so I said,
‘Well, Poopsie, let’s go home. There’s nothing I can do
about this now.’
“We were just starting home when I heard this voice out
of nowhere: ‘Excuse me, ma’am. Is that your dog?’ I
turned around. It was an officer of the law. Well, of
course, it was my dog. ‘That dog just made an illegal
deposit on the courthouse lawn. As its owner, it’s your
responsibility to dispose of that deposit. See the sign
over there? I’m going to have to write you a citation.’
“I asked him what sign he was talking about. He pointed
all the way down to the end of the block. One little
sign, a block away! How could anyone see that? I
couldn’t see that sign with my best opera glasses. The
officer said that I could fight the ticket. He said the
judge was a nice old man who owned four dogs. So I said,
‘OK, thank you, I’ll fight the ticket.’
“So when I went to court, I dressed Poopsie up in his
prettiest ribbons and made extra sure he did his
business first. We were both so excited. I just knew the
judge and Poopsie would hit it off.
“But do you know what happened when we got inside? They
had a different judge, a judge who is allergic to dogs,
and he immediately started sniffling, coughing,
sneezing, and looking around. And then he yelled at me
to get the dog out of the courtroom. He fined me $100 on
the way out without even giving me a chance to talk
about Poopsie’s chronic dyspepsia. It was terrible! I’m
still upset.”
48 Homes Burn Down near Malibu (2)
Bill told Jimi to look up at the ridge, near the park.
Bill thought he saw flames. Jimi went outside with his
binoculars. He could see a suspicious glow. Using the
binoculars, he could see flames. “God damn it!” he yelled.
He called Bill back. Then he and Bill started calling
one neighbor after another, as they had established a
fire warning and evacuation plan years ago. The whole
community of 98 homeowners managed to get into their
cars with their families and pets and just a few of
their material possessions. They all survived the raging fire.
Unfortunately, 48 homes were destroyed and 27 were
damaged. The fire engines were just not close enough to
the community to get there before the Santa Ana winds,
gusting up to 60 mph, ripped through the canyon. The
next day, firefighters declared that the fire was a
result of “human activity,” although they hadn’t
determined if the fire was deliberate or accidental.
Homeowners were allowed to return to their home sites to
assess damages. Most homeowners were philosophical about
their losses. “We’ve got our families and our friends.
That’s far more important than our homes and other possessions,” said Eve Grant.
But Jimi Hendrix was less even-tempered. “Common sense
would tell anybody that you don’t set fires in a wooded
area when the wind is blowing like crazy. Any idiot
would know that. As far as I'm concerned, these bastards
ought to be burned at the stake. And I’d grab me a front-row seat.”
A Bad MRI Experience
“Boy, we just wasted a whole morning,” Roy complained
over the phone to his middle-aged son. Roy’s wife had
been scheduled for a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI)
exam, because her shoulder had been bothering her for
months. It had gotten to the point where her golf game
was suffering—she couldn’t break 120 anymore. Her
drives, although still down the middle of the fairway,
barely went 90 yards. Without the game of golf and the
company of her golfing companions, Pat was a depressed woman.
Her doctor had recommended the MRI exam. For a shoulder
exam, the patient lies face up on a flat **--**l “bed.”
The bed slides into the MRI machine, like a DVD sliding
into a DVD player. The patient’s nose is barely two
inches from the **--**l ceiling. Many patients who are
even slightly claustrophobic become nervous or even
hysterical when they are slid into this compartment. The
MRI operator has to slide them back out where they can
“breathe” again. This happens regularly, even though
patients are warned about the tomblike environment.
Pat’s doctor had given her a sedative to take half an
hour before the exam. He had also told her to wear a
sleep mask, which would cover her eyes so that she
wouldn’t see the ceiling just inches from her face. Pat
took the sedative and wore the mask. But as soon as she
was slid all the way into the machine, she started
screaming. The technician pushed the button to slide her
back out. She was hyperventilating.
“Oh, my God! I could feel it! It was like I was being
buried alive!” she exclaimed to her husband. “You’re
such a baby,” Roy told her as they walked out of the MRI room.
A Dream from Beyond (1)
I was sound asleep. My grandfather appeared in a dream.
He asked why I had never visited him and grandma at the
cemetery. He said that even my mom hadn’t visited since
October 4 (grandma’s birthday). He told me that, when I
was young, I had walked out into a pond and slipped
under water. He had rescued me. He said grandma was
supposed to be watching me, but that she had gotten sick
all of a sudden and was throwing up. It was probably the
fresh blackberries they had picked and eaten earlier.
Grandma had a bad stomach.
My parents were out on a boat in the pond. They did not
know that grandpa had saved me until they got back to
shore. I was in a towel and my clothes were drying on
bushes. My brown and white Buster Brown shoes were also
soaked. I was only three years old, grandpa said. My
parents were angry at first, but when they saw that
Grandpa told me that we had a picnic after that. The
four of us ate some chicken, potato salad, and homemade
cookies. We drank lemonade. Then grandpa took me for a
walk in the woods (I sat on his shoulders). I saw some daisies, and we picked them. When we returned, I
presented three daisies to mom and three to grandma, who
was finally feeling better. Grandpa said to bring some daisies to the gravesite. Then I woke up.]
